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27 July 2005
Strip club protocol
Behave like a gentleman in a gentlemen's club
By Terry Riley
Remember when Las Vegas tried to change its image from "Sin City" to a
family-friendly destination? Neither do I. In fact, not many people do.
That's why the city has returned to touting is former bawdy image with its
new slogan, "What happens in Las Vegas ... "—well, you know.
With
the city's return to adult entertainment comes a near glut of what are
euphemistically called "gentlemen's clubs." For sure, topless joints ain't
what they used to be. What you'll find—so I'm told, of course—is that
these days the drinks are more likely to be served in glasses than in
cans, the patrons are more likely to be wearing sport coats than hard
hats, and the female anatomies on display are more likely to be "enhanced"
than genuine.
Of course, you are unlikely to patronize one of these
establishments. I know that. But, hey, you might have friends who may be
so inclined. So for them, I offer up these rules of the runways.
Dress right
Shorts are unacceptable almost everywhere, and some clubs try to class
up their places a little by excluding patrons with T-shirts. You won't
need a coat or a tie, but a neat appearance is apt to get you more
attention from the girls and less attention from the bouncers.
Bring money
And lots of it. First there is the cover charge, which can range anywhere
from none to several hundred bucks for perks like front-of-the-line
admission, reserved seating, beverages, food, and even transportation.
Then you will be offered drinks and more drinks. They are expensive—often
very expensive. Be aware of this before you step inside one of these
places so that you won't make a scene when you get the bill.
Next there are the employees, in particular the employees that you will
see the most of—really the most of. They work for tips, and the
rule is that the closer they get to you, the more they get tipped. If you
sit stage-side, for instance, expect to spend more on tips than the guys
who are sitting behind you (so I am told.)
Finally, there are the extras: lap dances,* private "dance lessons," and
"special attention." These extracurricular activities can set you back
anywhere from $20 to $150 per.
All in all, plan to spend no less than $40 to $50 an hour (bring lots of
singles) and you'll probably be OK. Oh, and if you should run low on cash,
don't despair: Many clubs have ATMs on their premises. How convenient.
Don't touch
Keep your hands to yourself and you'll have a much better chance of
leaving with all your fingers attached. The girl on stage or in your lap
is there to entertain. Her job is to get your hand to reach for your wad
of cash. Your job is to make sure it doesn't reach for anything else.
Don't ask for a "date"
Though it is not the case for all counties in Nevada, in Clark County,
where Las Vegas is located, prostitution is absolutely illegal. Don't ask
for a date, don't propose getting together after closing, don't suggest
dinner or a drink. Persistence will not pay off; in fact, it could put you
in a cast or get you some cooling-off time in the slammer ... or worse.
Strip-club employees are entertainers, not hookers. There is a
difference—a big difference.
Get the lowdown
When you—I mean, when your buddies—have mastered these basics
and are ready for a field trip, send them over to the strip-club listings
at Vegas.com.
It's a good place to get information on dozens of Las Vegas gentlemen's
clubs.
*Advisory: Don't be
surprised, as I was when I saw... I mean, as I was when I
heard
that lap dancing is not a cultural event performed by minstrels from
Lapland. It's not even close.
© 2005 Applied Psychology
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