SFO to be feng shui compliant

Runways to be realigned

SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. -- "If it is a good practice for architects, then it is even a better practice for airports." With that statement, the Airport Commission of San Francisco has announced that the recently renovated airport will be demolished and, according to the Commission, "replaced with new travel facilities that will comply with the principles of feng shui to bring comfort, peace, and harmony to travelers passing through our city."

The announcement comes on the heals of a resolution introduced in the California State Assembly by San Francisco Democrat Leland Yee urging that the state architect and California cities adopt design standards that incorporate the principles of feng shui.  

The project, which was unveiled today in the new and soon-to-be-replaced international terminal amid sitar music and hors d'oeuvres of avocado and alfalfa sprouts, is expected to be completed by the end of the decade at a projected cost of $816 million. Artists' renderings of the new facilities show the use of much glass and earth tones accented with displays of crystals, the sounds of running water, and the fragrances of perpetual aroma therapy candles.

Replacing the current terminal buildings with new ones will result in significant disruptions for travelers. Most of the rebuilding cost, however, will go toward repositioning the airport's main runways. This will be done to reduce the stress on pilots during departure and arrival by, according to Commission spokesperson Rainbow Starlight, "aligning the runways with the confluence of serene spiritual energy emanating from Marin and Santa Cruz Counties while simultaneously rebuking the discordant cacophony of homicidal forces reverberating across the bay from Oakland.

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