Airline to offer middle-only seating
FRISCO, Tx. -- Airlines have always put a premium on elbow room for their passengers, but a new start-up airline will fly in the face of that convention. Entering service to six Midwestern states this fall, WienAir will fly a fleet of Boeing 737B aircraft with a configuration of middle-only seats.
Working closely with Boeing cabin-space engineers, WienAir was able to configure its seats so that every passenger seat is adjacent to at least two other passenger seats and in some cases adjacent to as many as five other passenger seats.
Err Travel was able to acquire an early concept drawing of the exterior fuselage characteristics but was unable to get access to the seating layout.
In a prepared statement, Carla Undershime, corporate communications director for the airline, told a gathering of reporters here, "WienAir is taking a different approach to air travel. Instead of offering our passengers more room, we promise them more opportunity to meet their neighbors. Instead of peace and quiet, we afford friendly conversation. Instead access to bluetooth, we give them the chance to meet others with actual green teeth. That's how we came up with our motto of 'WienAir: the neighborly airline.'"
The new airline's owner and CEO, Peter Jamershime, who made a fortune in the reprocessed beef industry, told Err Travel, "I got the idea after shopping at our local IGA. I was unwrapping a package of wieners that I'd bought for a big family barbecue we was having up to our summer place. I mean a big barbeque. We had well over 300 relatives jammed into our place, which ain't much bigger than a country fry barn.
"Well, as I was unwrapping that there package, I seen that the wieners in the middle was straight and pink on all sides while the ones on the ends was bent and sort of discolored on a couple of sides. Then, as I was watching all our kin folk standing around ass-to-elbow, I thought how it kinda made me feel better to be in the middle of the group than on the edges. That's when it hit me like a hammer upside the head of steer in a slaughterhouse: an airline where not nobody had to sit alone. So that's just what I done."
Sheila Inskeep, a certified EST therapist and executive director of the International Food Therapy Association, noted, "There may well be some good reasoning behind Mr. Jamershime's belief. Indeed, wieners in the middle of the package may feel more secure and loved—thus the flush in their skins and their erect statures—while the dogs at the ends are degraded in appearance due to the pressures on them as buffers to their environment."